


Thundercracker : Rollin' Like Fuckin' Thunder / And SICK OF THIS SHIT #1

by Angstreunion



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-04 17:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13370061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angstreunion/pseuds/Angstreunion
Summary: Thundercracker talks about a couple of his fuckin irritations.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There was lots of unused dialogue and stuff from drafts of AWOL so they were amended and split into two short stories. This one and Slipstream : Bang! Bang! Bang! Keepin' It Real! 
> 
> Shame not to use them :)

 

****

**Thundercracker : Rollin' Like Fuckin' Thunder! And SICK Of THIS SHIT! #1**

* * *

 

Can you fuckin believe this shit.

Who has to clean up after Starscream's fuckin incompetence, lead our Trine in the background and listen to his little, high pitched, bitch ass primadonna fits? Yeah.. Me.

Who has to pick up Skywarps slack, when we're ready to fight and he's fuckin daydreaming... Me.

Don't get me wrong, I have my motherfuckin faults. But not as many as these fuckers. I care about their welfare, I honestly fuckin do, but their shit winds me up and fucks me right off.

They try to take the fuckin piss just because I'm successful, a better leader then Starscream will ever be, and the way ladies love me. Resident number three on CybertronBangs for like two fuckin years. I have nothing but great fuckin reviews.

Sometimes a fan will fuckin make a profile in your fuckin name and leave reviews and if you want you can fuckin verify it officially and take over the fuckin profile and add to it. Which I fuckin did. See the the blue fuckin tick? Verified. Its really me answering questions and leaving return feedback. Most of us have fuckin official profiles on that shit, but a lot of my team mates ain't even in the top forty.

I have a big, ongoing retained penthouse room in a nice part of town. This is where I take my girls back to. I certainly wouldn't take them back to the fuckin base or some shithole. The proprietor always makes sure that the Energon is refined, chilled and ready, and even fixes the room the morning after the night before. All I do is pay the fuckin monthly bill. Fuckin sweet.

They used to leave only two glasses but the bottle, but if I score more then one girl thats pretty fuckin lame and I have to call down for them to send up more glasses. Now they leave ten to cover all fuckin odds.

People fuckin ask me if I ever have a fuckin non-starter. Very fuckin rare. But there was this one girl who was so fuckin drunk she passed out. But her friend was there and found it funny, so that was cool. Best thing is to fuckin sleep it the fuck off if it's that fuckin bad. .

But back to my Trine and others, Skywarps good at following orders, but you ask him what the fuck he wants on a menu, he's dead in the water... Nobody fuckin home. I hate the indecision when we go out to eat, or even when we get a take out.

Starscream, who's paid more then all of us, will bitch over the smallest thing like what a sause sachet costs, yet he'll fuckin order four sides. Skywarp will change his mind at least three times whatever the fuck he's ordering, it's worse when we have other Seekers with us.

Then comes the split argument.

We all agree that Energon drinks should be ordered and paid for by the drinker and not put on the main bill. Cause that shits expensive. Especially the poncy fuckin vintage stuff Starscream fuckin drinks.. Which is like... Fuckin pink. The only way I'd drink the kind of fuckin girly drinks he drinks is if a group of girls are drinking it. Then I'll drink that shit.

Now, I bet you have a fuckin friend that does this bullshit...

Fuckin Novastorm will order a dumb fuckin salad or some shit then at the end when we're splitting, he'll bitch he doesn't want an even split because he ordered cheap so doesn't want a even split if someone (Normally Starscream) has ordered a fuckin steak.

Novastorm. Man, fuck you, fuck salad.

Then Skywarp wants to argue over what the fucking tip should be and bases it in the fuckin service or how poor, oppressed and destitute the server fuckin looks. Then I gotta fuckin sit there and watch Starscream struggle to work out a fuckin simple percentage, which is pain cause his cunting math is terrible. Real scientist right motherfuckin there. Then he asks fuckin Jetfire to work it out and he argues over what's the fuckin regional custom is. At least he's quick with motherfuckin numbers.

Good thing fuckin Starscreams not in charge of working out our fuckin payroll. Shockwave does that shit. Mostly because he has fuck all else to do up there so Megatron keeps him crunchin fuckin numbers, payroll and shit, while he's on fuckin guard duty.

Ramjet. Sitting there lookin at the fuckin menu and his arm is moving. He's fuckin jerkin off under the fucking table.

NO. I do not want fuckin salad cream with mine.

Then starscream starts screaming 'He's having a wank...' and the whole tone lowers.

Bitstream, when we can tear him off his fuckin MMO, he comes out. He's our codebreaker but when he's off shift, be sits in his fuckin room playing online games and buying fictitious money with real money... What a dickhead. He has a 'IRL' 'girlfriend' in the game. They Skype and shit but we all joke that it's probably a massive male triplechanger catfishing him. He said they exchanged 'pix'. Hmmm fuckin idiot.

When he boasts about how beautiful his girlfriend, that he ain't never fuckin met, is and shows us the pictures she sent him, Skywarp (made me proud) said 'I don't know anything about this girlfriend of yours, but all I know is... He has a dick. "

Nacelle, he's a fuckin decent guy and a master of combat. In fact I spar with him often and have a really good fight. He keeps me up to date with CQC and shows me really good hand to hand skills. I attribute why I'm such a good fighter to him. He's no drama, quick in restaurant ordering, level headed and can take a joke. All round good fuckin guy. Only. Thing I don't fuckin like is how Megatron favours him and has him marked for big fuckin things. The only one who's favoured more then him is fuckin Starscream, who Megatron is completely blinded by and he gets away with fuckin everything.

Hotlink, Anything we don't wanna spend our fucking money on, he will. He has to have the latest shit. He loves gadgets and often even buys different brands of the same fuckin thing. He's also a fuckin gut bucket and he'll even polish off your fuckin food, which is gross.

Red wing is the Starscream wannabe. Some people can't tell the difference between them and Red Wing like to emulate Starscream, from his voice to his bouncy arrogant walk. Once, I heard second hand, he even went over to Jetfire and in a darkened room and felt him up, but the game was up when Jetfire grabbed him and held him close, then realised it wasn't Starscream, also the fact that Red Wing didn't want to risk doing 'The Starscream voice' because it would fuckin give him away, as if his fuckin silence didn't already do that. For some reason, Jetfire seems to know Starscream so well that he knew right away as soon as they were fuckin close. A bit of trivia here but Red Wing and Skywarp hate each other... Weird I know. Skywarp likes everyone, and he loves Starscream.

Whizzing Arrow is a fuckin hypercondriac. He'll ask the server to list every fuckin ingredient in whatever the fuck he wants, then he claims he's fuckin allergic to everything.

He carries fuckin inhalers, and is a pill popper like you wouldn't fuckin believe. He refuses to touch things with his hands and uses so much alcohol gel it ain't fuckin funny.

He wants a fuckin girlfriend?! Yeah sure.

He'll want to be wearing a fuckin Hazmat suit to fuck her. And probably wash his fuckin dick down fifteen times times after due to 'the contaminants' out here in the big mean old fuckin world, waiting to get him. Starscream keeps taking the piss out of him by licking things in front of him, which sets him off.

Sunstorm thinks he's some kind of superhero and is a massive Starscream fan. Those two sit and giggle and are always whispering shit in each others ears. Sometimes Sunstorm will order anything Starscreams having. So, here come four more fuckin sides.

Slipstream, the apple doesn't fall far from the fuckin tree. She's hot, but she's also rude, acidic, witty to the point of being fuckin offensive, but she's calls it 'Keepin it real', in other words, she can become a hyper bitch.

Her and Starscream really, really don't get on. She says she intimidates him, and that he's jealous of her, her body and her vajayjay.

He says she's just a cunt and a prossi and that she's jealous of him and the fact he can do anything she can do and fuckin more.

She threatened to get a strap-on and fuck some fuckin sense into him. We always joke that he'd fuckin love that, bein a Degenerate whore and all, but he just looks back at her snarling and seething claiming she has penis envy.

Then they have a who's fuckin tighter argument.

Watching those two fuckin bitches tear into each other is hilarious. Even Megatron is fuckin glued to those two queens and their bitchy fights. He's fuckin loves it.

Sandstorm is a close buddy of Ramjet. He's a bit dim, even though he looks like us, he's sort of designated a fuckin conehead.

Starscream likes to send him on fools errands, like giving him a list of fuckin shit to buy like a glass hammer, a chocolate teapot, etc etc. Then he'll run off for hours looking for this shit, then he'll fuckin ask Ramjet for help. If that ain't the blind leading the fuckin blind.

They order at restaurants random dishes that someone else has ordered and hope for the fuckin best. Dirge and Thrust are very much the fuckin same.

Then we have our new guy. Some fuckin VF-1S Super fuckin Valkyrie carrier fuckin Eastern build guy called Jetfire. He hardly ever fuckin speaks and when he does its some ideological bullshit. He and Starscream are always together and Screamer is the mouthpiece for the two of them.

I have a theory, that Skywarp dismisses, based on the way Jetfire walks I reckon he's some kind of faggot.

Cause there's many kinds, and he's silent gay.

Once, Starscream got up, from next to Jetfire, to get something. When I happen to sit there, Jetfire was busy talking to Sunstorm to his right, and he put his fuckin hand on my thigh. I turned to him and said 'Is your fuckin hand on my fuckin thigh. You don't want your fuckin hand on my fuckin thigh.', he took it off quickly. Claimed it was a fuckin mistake.

When I asked Starscream if Jetfires a bender, he didn't fuckin answer... He just looked at him to answer.

He looked at him!

Rest my fuckin case.

Especially since somethings always breaking in their quarters and the other has to go over and fix it, which takes hours, and the fact that when we eat out, they even go to the fuckin restroom together too. Fuckin come back looking sheepish. Fuck me.

Soundfuckinwave, he's Starscreams babysitter. Whenever we go out, he has to mind Screamer. Support him when he's drunk, assist him and generally wipe his fuckin ass. They hate each other.

So the next time people bitch 'Oh Thundercrackers always in a fuckin bad mood. This is why. Cause I have to put up with all this motherfuckin bullshit on my time off. Fuck me.


	2. Fuck, Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Fuckin irritations and real life bullshit I have to fuckin put up with.

**Thundercracker : Rollin' Like Fuckin' Thunder! And SICK Of THIS SHIT! #2**

* * *

 

**Chapter : 2 Fuck, Me.**

 

Fuck Me...

Let me tell you what I fuckin think about the fuckin army and why exactly I fuckin joined.

I joined the peoples fuckin army initially for ideological reasons, before it got fuckin warped into the Decepticon cause.

I love the fuckin promotion and the leadership opportunities. I am a fuckin natural leader. I'm fuckin concise and authoritive. Ask fuckin anyone.

Also, because we all fuckin boarder into criminality, the moneys fuckin sweet. Unlike some others I don't spend all my fuckin wage. I save most of it (Not as much as Skywarp who never fuckin spends anything) and I spend a small proportion on my fuckin hobbies, wining and dining girls. I fuckin love hookups, and hookups fuckin love me.

Also being in the fuckin army attracts girls big time. They will wanna fuck a Decepticon warrior, I'm down for that shit.

I have two fuckin phones, ones my personal fuckin mobile for close friends, colleagues and shit, and the other is my fuckin dating phone, I hand that fuckin number out to all the girls. It even fucking ended up online, so like, fuckin random girls fuckin Facetime me. I love a fuckin surprise. I always down, and they fuckin know it.

I don't actually have a type. I like all kinds of girls. Tall ones, short girls. Colourful ones or plain ones. I think the only fuckin preference I have is for air capability, if that girl can fucking fly by me, she'll become a firm fuckin favourite.

I do have a couple of fuckin regulars. Girls that I really like and we just have a great fuckin time together, every fuckin time.

One of these girls is definitely Slipstream. She's fuckin amazin (She's never a fuckin hyperbitch to me) and we can't fuckin get enough of each other.

But, it's comfortable because there's no fuckin commitment. We're both free fuckin agents. I know she dates other fuckin guys and she knows I date other fuckin girls, even though I bet she fuckin misses me when I ain't fuckin around as there's no fuckin way any of those fuckin bastards fuckin live up to me, so anyway. fuck that. Whatever.

It's important to be healthly and look fuckin good. This is where fuckin Knockout comes in. I depend on that fucker to keep me in top fuckin form, and he fuckin does. But sometimes he can be fuckin difficult over what he fuckin calls unnecessary modifications, which is just another fuckin irritation. "

* * *

**Knockouts Med Bay**

"Hey! My fuckin man, Knockout..." Thundercracker said walking towards Knockout.

"Hey dude, what's up?"

"You know that mod you fitted for me?"

"Yeah, how goes?"

"Really fuckin great. Thing is, ain't ya got anything fuckin louder? I need more fuckin bass."

Knockout rolled his optics and shook his head as he continued to walk around a giant carrier, running his hand down the side. "Look TC, you have two massive chrome double exhausts, it's the biggest you can go without effecting dynamics and compromising your normal mode. I've tweaked it to make it as loud as it can possibly be. If you want to hear noise then go sonic."

"So you can't fit anything else to generate more fuckin flight noise?" Thundercracker asked.

"Just how loud do you want to be? I've overhauled your engine, removed all mufflers and silencer values, fitted you double exhausts, there's nothing more I can do without compromising your speed or adding obtrusive parts and unnecessary modifications."

" Aww fuck. So there's absolutely no way to get any louder in alt mode? "

" Nah, there ain't without adding tons of shit to your robot form. Trust me. "

" Hmm I can't have that. I have to fuckin stay slim. " Thundercracker answered.

" You know TC, each one of you Seekers ask for weird mods and stuff, but with you it seems to be ever increasingly loud decibels, bleaching your face alloy whiter and tint resprays to counteract sun bleaching your blue in alt . "

" Come on dude! They're a better fucking requests then Starscream wantin you to tighten his ass all the fuckin time. If I don't look good then I won't appeal to girls. Simple fact."

"Don't even remind me about that Starscream shit. Listen buddy, you ain't gettin any younger. Girls, if it's your big thing, are fickle. They'll always be younger, faster, fancier models and they'll be after them. You need to realise this ain't gonna last forever and you need to be realistic about this shit. there's only so much cosmetic work I can do without effecting other things." Knockout rolled his eyes.

"What the fuck man, don't get harsh. I ain't old! I'm only a little older then fuckin Starscream! I compete quite well with the newer fuckin millennial models that aren't even fuckin Seekers."

"A little older? You're supposed to be coming out of this clubbing, drinks, girls, bullshit. Take it from me, I'm much older and much wiser. Leave all the dumb young shit to Starscream. I don't have all the stress and drama. "

"Yeah, you also don't get laid. Thanks for the schpeal dad but I think I know what I'm fuckin doin."

* * *

**More Fuckin Irritations**

A bit fuckin much to tell me that I should fuckin grow up and act my fuckin age. Fuck you. Young femmes flock to me and I obvs have it or they wouldn't fuckin keep gatherin round.

Dumb, washed up old fuck. The fuck that he know!

I have so many fuckin interactions with different fuckin people. Of course people get on my nerves, like Soundwave, I like him when he's left to his own devices and is being logical. I don't fuckin like him when he's being petty after bein fuckin antagonised by Starscream.

I get on best with Skywarp, probably cause he's a decent guy, very calm and easy going. However he does let a frustration build until he finally fuckin flips, vents and goes fuckin mental, but then he's back to normal with no grudges and mates as always. I hold a motherfuckin grudge and that shit never dies.

Even though Slipstream has a load of casual friends with benefits. I kinda think that there's something happening between Skywarp and her, but ofcourse I can't, well I don't wanna fuckin ask. It's her fuckin business what shit she does and I don't fuckin care anyway. Fuck. Whatever.

But I fuckin know she's sweet on him.

I once saw him step out of her quarters in the morning. He was holding lots of fuckin A4 paper and claimed, Well just fuckin volunteered, that he hadn't fuckin stayed there overfuckinnight and that they'd spent fuckin ages doing some origami shit. Now, fuck me. Nobody stays in Slipstreams fuckin quarters, by her fuckin berth, and folds fuckin paper all fuckin night. Don't even come to me with that shit. It's also the fuckin lamest fuckin excuse I've ever fuckin heard. There ain't no way she didn't come on to him. I know that women far too well.

Though I met her in the morning getting him fuel for fuckin breakfast. She's like Starscream, never fuckin waits her turn, just walks up and takes. Grabbed like three fuckin Energon buns. She ain't never brought me fuckin breakfast, but whatever the fuck. Just why the cloak and fuckin dagger. Anyway, it ain't my fuckin business anyway and I don't fuckin care because we're just friends with fuckin benefits. Whatever. We're cool, Fuck it don't care.

However, we all found out that if Skywarp gets drunk, he loses fuckin control of his port ability, and he sometimes developed fuckin hiccups too, however! everytime he hiccuped, he vanished!

It was fuckin hilarious!

He said it was so fuckin disorientating suddenly finding himself in a fuckin random area of the fuckin room, facing a different fuckin location, that it was making him feel even more fuckin nauseous then he already fuckin felt from drink.

Sometimes we try to get him drunk just to get him to fuckin develop hiccups so we can all enjoy the fuckin entertainment.

It's so tough trying to basically lead a bunch of fuckin reprobates. It still strikes me as insane that someone like Starscream is our leader.

I mean, what is he?! He's too young, he's not even a fuckin Decepticon warrior (Which I am), he's supposed to be some kind of fuckin scientist, whereas Skywarp and I are fuckin engineers. but all Starscream does is wonder around after Megatron picking petty fuckin fights and he's never seen to actually do anything but fuckin scream... And trip over, fall and land on Jetfire's dick.

Jetfire fuckin Denys it, but he's a fuckin homo. Even though he does lots of fuckin research and engineering during the day, at night he's sitting around doing fuckin origami with Skywarp (He got Skywarp into that fuckin shit) and fuel prepping courses. Fuckin homosexual interests, and acts. I bet he fuckin has an interest in fuckin embroidery too.

At least Starscream has been known to go on fuckin weird hetro benders and fucks lots of women, but he seems to have a fuckin preference for old femmebots. He claims they have fuckin technique and love a young one who's willing to please them. Turns my fuckin stomach thinkin about it.

I once asked him about this shit and how it came about. He told me he just grins and winks at them, then just fuckin straight up offers to fuck them and tells them what he's going to do, and they never say no. which I think is sick.

It's even fuckin worse that he told me that told me that he actually told an elder "Hey grandma, wanna sit on my fucking dick.", what the fuckin hell. Does he say these things cause it turns him on or because it's demeaning? When Skywarp heard that he was physically ill. Who fucking knows. I just want him fuckin sacked. It fucking kills me inside that I take orders from that little cunt.

That boy is so fuckin depraved that everytime I hear something it always gets worse. However, Starscreams never seen around other sissy guys, he always hangs around large masculine guys, which is probably his preference and that's why hes always following them about.

By the way, I'm starting to hate this fuckin job. Everyone's fuckin petty about something and the Decepticons are very fuckin cliquey. If you're in the right group, you're okay. If you're not, you get leant on, bullied, talked about and pushed the fuck about.

It's just the way it is. You have to be strong to survive and there's no fuckin RR (Robot Resources) to go bitch to, complain or mediate, and there ain't no fuckin grievance process any more then someone coming up and beating on you cause they think you fuckin suck.

If I got a fuckin problem with someone, I come at them and offer them outside for a punch up. That's how to settle fuckin petty shit with assholes.

Now, people think I'm fuckin quick to anger and always fuckin spoilin for a fight. Not true. I just hate bitches and assholes who go around starting fuckin shit.

Yet again, **I'll bet you have a fucking friend who does this shit...**

Let me fuckin tell you as well, again, how our nights out are fuckin ruined by Starscream. Fuckin little bitch.

We all go to the fuckin movies. Skywarp loves sweet PoppedEnergon, I like it salty. Each of us like it different so we have to buy fuckin small bags as some people don't fuckin share. Starscream is fuckin different... Again.

We ALL fuckin sneak food into the movies. I fuckin do it, you do fuckin too!

Nacelle once hid a whole Energon bucket under his wing. We normally get Skywarp to port in with all the fuckin contraband fuel on him.

Fuckin Starscream knows this cinema does free refills. The fuckin little cunt starts rummaging through the trash in the bathrooms for empty drink and popEnergon containers. He rinses them the fuck out in the fuckin sink and then shamelessly goes and fuckin asks for a free fuckin refill.

Fuckin cheap ass little bitch. You have tons of fuckin money! What the fuck is wrong with that fucker. He splashes the cash on rubbish and shit, then bitches over dumb shit like train tickets, small deposits, paying for Wi-Fi and anything! He even bitched over the single credit deposit for 3D optics lenses in the cinema.

Just... Never fuckin go anyfuckinwhere with Starscream because he'll just do... Something shitty.

I'm fuckin irritated just remembering this shit to tell all you fine fuckin people.


	3. Fuckin Head Office BULLSHIT And Fuckin Fuel Gathering All Over The Bastard Place

**Shoppin' Mad**

 

Fucking head office mutherfuckin bureaucracy all over the bastard place.

You know how it is. Everything... I mean every fuckin thing has to be fuckin passed through fuckin Decepticon headquarters on Cybertron.

Shockwave runs administration, payroll, Vacation, electrics and metal import for weapons I design and slappin our logo all over shit... and all that other administration fuckin shit. Its weird because we live with the fuckin boss but he's too fuckin busy to deal with this shit so we have to E-mail Shockwave, whos up there playin cards or some shit while scratching his ass.

I fuckin have to E-mail him with a requisition list for shit I want. He calculates the cost to see if its within the fucking budget and E-mails Soundwave on Earth to release funds. Soundwave won't fuckin release fuckin funds unless its okayed by the boss so he E-mails Megatron... Doesnt fuckin ask him... Emails him.

He either okays it or vetoes it. In which case, the boss emails Soundwave who fuckin E-mails Shockwave who fuckin E-mails me and tells me to go fuck myself.

If I want a new assault riffle or shoulder gun it's the same bullshit as if I wanted a new pot of fuckin paper clips.

I even E-fuckinMailed Shockwave telling him that this was shit and that he needs to approve my fuckin requisition for the alloys I need to build my new fuckin weapon. He fuckin wrote me back saying:

 

> "Thankyou for your suggestion. Should your circumstances change, please contact us again."

'Us'?! Fuckin 'us' ? You mean fuckin HIM. I E-mailed him back saying that when I next see him up there I'm gonna fuck him up unless he actions shit quicker. He wrote back saying:

 

> "Thankyou for your suggestion. Should your circumstances change, please contact us again."

 

 

Fuck you.

Fuck you hard.

Up your ass.

Get Fucked, you sack of shit.

That's my next motherfucking bastard messege to Shockwave... The cunt.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Another stupid-fuckin-irritating-muthafuckin-bullshit-thing I have to suffer is 'The monthly shop'. Fuck me, I ain't down to trawl a fuckin grocery store for a fuckin hour tickin shit off a fuckin list. It fucks my cerebral circuits raw on the occasions I have to fuckin be there to see this shit.

I could do the monthly fuel gather in about fifteen fuckin minutes... And I ain't stoppin to work out shit, bitch.

Why do we need fuel all over the bastard place anyway? I like to fuckin eat out.

Now I know you guys have a fuckin friend or two like this who do this fuckin shit in the name of fuckin economy...

* * *

 

**In Cybertrons largest fuel supply store**

 

"Right, now! I checked the cupboards and made a list! I know exactly what we need! And it's the usual divide by three at the checkout." Skywarp said excitedly as he held up a list and waved it slightly.

Starscream rested his fists on his hips impatiently. "Well I hope there's some fuckin Energon mixers on that list of yours."

"No... That's non essential." Skywarp replied.

"Its essential for me." Starscream muttered.

"Then buy it yourself! You're a co-signatory on Megatrons expenses account so I really don't think money is an issue for you, Screamy." Skywarp added.

"Yeah, yeah..." Starscream replied.

Thundercracker grinned, then folded his arms and laughed.

Skywarp smiled at him, "I'm so glad you're here TC, you don't usually come."

Starscream rolled his optics, "He comes on a daily basis.."

Thundercracker snapped his fingers and pointed at Starscream while smiling, "Good one Screamer, haha!"

"C'mon guys, this is serious! The monthly fuel gather is a regular battle to be won! Us vs the economy!" Skywarp said as he looked down his list.

"If you say so Sky..." Thundercracker muttered.

"Now, does anyone want something added?" Skywarp asked.

Starscream put up his hand before he leant again the shopping trolley grinning. "Yeah... Drugs."

Skywarp stared at Starscream, "Drugs?... That's your answer?! After I've gone through the fridge, cupboards, and planned meals and everything to compile this list so we don't run out of fuel, and you stand here in the mall and ask to add drugs to the list?! You're being so ungrateful!"

Thundercracker elbowed Starscream hard in the side, " Don't upset him. " he warned in a low tone.

Skywarp was pushing his cart when he noticed a sign. "Oh cool! These sauses we all like are on half price!" Skywarp said as he placed six jars in the trolley.

Starscreams optics widened, "HOLD ON! Wait! Stop. What are you doin?! Why do we fucking need six?"

"Because we normally buy three..." Skywarp answered confused.

"That didn't answer the fucking question." Starscream demanded with his arms folded.

Skywarp sighed. "Look, if somethings on half price, you have to buy two. That will make it buy one get one free. We normally buy three, so now we get six. Fifty percent free!"

Starscream stared at Skywarp. "What...the... fuck! You actually sound like Skyfire..." he protested.

"Because I'm being sensible? Look, Screamy! This is the economy! It's also why I'm in charge of the fuel gather and you aren't!" Skywarp added, before smiling and pushing the trolley away.

"But I don't fucking want six! I want three!" Starscream shouted after him before running to catch up.

"Anyway, TC Loves that sause so I make sure we don't run out." Skywarp added.

"Thundercrackers an oppressive Asshole." Starscream muttered.

Skywarp looked around concerned, "Wheres TC!?"

"I dunno. Maybe he couldn't cope with you and sausegate." Starscream replied before noticing Thundercracker chatting to a young Femme store assistant who was stacking a Shelve.

"Hey, wanna hand with those, they look heavy." Thundercracker said before bending to lift several crates up and put them on her table.

"Oh..wow" She said with surprise, staring at his tattoos, "You're a Decepticon..!"

"Mmm hmm.." he responded casually as he leant against the wall smiling at her.

"So... Do you go on missions and stuff?!"

"You know sweetheart, you.. -" He said as he pointed in her face affectionately, "-.. You... Are far too cute to be working here. You're more... Model material...somethin pretty..."

"Ohh no no." Skywarp said as he rushed over and grabbed Thundercrackers arms, "TC... Less talk, more shopping!"

"I know you!" The girl shouted excitedly while pointing at Skywarp, "You're Skywarp! You gave an interview to the most popular girls mag Cybertron Idol! And was on the youth awards show. "

"I did?!" Skywarp thought for a moment, "Oh yeah! Now I remember. I give so many fan interviews. I wasn't first choice for the awards show, Starscream was as he's closest to the age of the fans. " he smiled.

"Why don't he get the job?" Thundercracker asked.

Skywarp leant towards thundercrackers audio receptiors, "Because he arrived at rehearsal at the studio fucked up on Cocaine and was abusive, slurring and incoherent. They couldn't risk putting him up on the stage on live TV doing teen awards. So they asked me."

Starscream walked up, eating from a can he took off the Shelf and just opened.

"Ohh! I know you too!" she said, jumping up and down, at Starscream.

Starscream rolled his optics at the excitable young femme, "Yeah, yeah... I know... Fucking Degenerate Gay.. Whore...its all all over the Internet... With pics."

"Yes!" She replied excitedly. "I read your Twitter rants! You're... Scream... Screaming... "

"Well if you can't even remember my fuckin name, you're not much of a fuckin fan." Starscream said with folded arms. 

"Well, I'm not really a following fan of yours." She answered politely.

Starscream smiled and tilted his head, "Fuck you too bitch."

Skywarp smiled at the girl, "Well, it was lovely meeting you, but we have something to finish... So... Hope to see you around..!" he said as he started to tug Thundercracker away by his arm.

"What time do you go on lunch sweetheart?" Thundercracker asked as he stood his ground while his arm was being pulled.

"In an hour, why?" she smiled.

'Just... Asking... " Thundercracker answered smiling at her with glazey optics.

Starscream threw the half eaten can over his shoulder and walked up to the girl while dusting himself off. "Fancy a spit roast...?" he said before being elbowed hard in the gut by thundercracker.

"One moment, my darlin'" Thundercracker said while nervously laughly before he dragged Starscream to another aisle by the wing.

"TC! The fuck are you doing! Unhand me!" Starscream shrieked.

"Firstly. Don't fucking call me that. Secondly, stop being fucking vulgar in front of the fuckin girl! You'll fuck up my motherfuckin chances with her!" Thundercracker sniped while aggressively pointing into Starscreams face and slapping the back of his head occasionally.

" What?! So Only Skywarp can call you TC? Also, right now your language is worse then mine! You don't talk like this in front of her! I'm just dispensing with the pretence. Anyway, she's got three holes. Bitch could take us all." Starscream protested.

"Look! Just fucking stand here and don't fucking move." Thundercracker.

"Or what?!" Starscream said as he folding his arms.

"Or I'll fucking punch your fucking lights out." Thundercracker said shoving Starscream.

"Fine! Go back to your little loverboy Skywarp... and your just legal whore." Starscream shouted.

Thundercracker stopped walking away, turned and walked back up to Starscream, who flinched.

"What did you fucking say?"

"Well, he calls you TC, cuddles up to you, touches you all the time, and practically gave you a lapdance in the canteen while you were laughing. Hook couldn't believe his fuckin optics. You letting a guy kiss you!"

"All fuckin lies. Firstly, he's always called me that, secondly he ain't some guy - it's Skywarp! He's Trine! Like a little brother to me. He never fuckin gave me no fuckin lapdance. He was dancing in the canteen to some weird fuckin music Skyfire was playing from the earth era when we all crashed on earth and sat on my lap cause there weren't no fuckin chairs left thanks to all these fuckin combiner teams all over the bastard place." Thundercracker retorted.

"Yeah! Music Skyfire was playing... He has every gay anthem on his MP3 you can think of. Bullshit! And I'm the youngest Trine member but you don't view me as a little brother! You'd kill me if I touched you or sat on your lap."

"Well I don't have to worry about him as I know what he's into so he ain't about to try and feel me up like you fuckin try to, and shit. I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to throw suspicion on him and turn me against the poor guy."

" Hey guys! " Skywarp shouted from the end of the aisle.

Skywarp walked up to them and handed Thundercracker a piece of paper," Here's her number TC. "

" And that's another reason why Skywarp rocks, and you fucking suck. " Thundercracker answered.

Skywarp tapped Thundercracker, "TC, Only thing is...She told me she likes me more...I hosted Teen awards." Skywarp said as he held up to fingers in a victory sign and smiled, "... Hashtag Awks..."

Thundercracker looked deflated and handed the paper back to Skywarp.

Starscream pat thundercracker on the back," Sorry that you're TOO FUCKIN OLD." he shrieked.

" Bullshit! I'm only a little fucking older then him." Thundercracker said pointing to Skywarp.

Skywarp checked his list for the planned meals. "Don't you have anything you want to add TC?"

Thundercracker just grabbed a Energon Pot Cup off the shelf and threw it in the cart.

"Just a Cup Energon?" Skywarp asked puzzled.

"Yeah I'm not bothered. If I want something I'll buy it. I normally eat out at girls places anyway."

Starscream muttered, "I'm not saying a fucking word..."

Skywarp looked concerned, "Yeah, exactly... 'Girls', random people you don't know and may not even score a date with! So, that's not exactly a guarantee of three square meals a day. You're the first in my quarters when I get Skyfires old wok out."

"Oh so you have it! He was wondering where that shit went." Starscream said.

"Yeah, well. He showed me how to use it and he used to make such lovely food it in." Skywarp said.

Starscream grinned, "You do know that once I couldn't be arsed to get out of the berth to drain my tank so I pissed in that. True story Skywarp. Hashtag Unhygienic as fuck."

* * *

 

When I heard that he said that fuckin shit...

Late at fuckin night.

When fuckin Bonecrusher told me cause Skywarp told him...

It was Only when I smashed that little fuckers door down in the middle of the night and wrang his fuckin neck,  while he lay in his filthy cum-stained berth, did he admit lying about that shit. Who the fuck jokes about taking a fuckin piss in sause pans cause they ain't assed to walk two fuckin meters.

You know man, fuck you Starscream you little spoilt shit. Fuck you.

Seriously... Fuck me.


	4. A Prettyass Millennial Femme, Fuckin Late Nights , Alcohol, MutherFuckin Deadlines And Bitchass Homework

**A Prettyass Millennial Femme, Fuckin Late Nights , Alcohol, MutherFuckin Deadlines And Bitchass Homework**

 

Deadlines, fuckin targets, we all have fuckin them. Megatrons always bitching at me about when some new weapon design is ready for fuckin testing, or if I've designed the right strengtherned alloy for a space cruiser that Soundwaves working on too, or about the architectural designs for a base.

Fuck me, this takes fuckin time and work and I can't rush that shit.

It kinda makes some other people's deadlines seem a bit fuckin lame, especially as they won't get their asses shot if they don't come up with the goods.

Kinda fuckin reminds me of a time all of us went down the club on some fuckin rare downtime. I met a young student millennial robot femme who snuck some alcohol into the club to save fuckin money, we did that shit as students, I know I fuckin did back in the fuckin academy.

She was a superskinny gold build. Short and pretty facial features, full lips and an almost excessive wideass thigh gap - which is a new feature on female millennial builds. A bit lanky but sure had fuckin seems in all the right places and tight lookin as fuck. She flagged my fuckin radar the moment I fuckin clocked her. Novastorm tried to fuckin char her up and buy her drinks and shit. I can eliminate him very fuckin quick.

Well, she was with her fuckin dorm bots, mostly young guys looking to fuck anything they can, and havin no luck, especially with Decepticon warriors hangin around.

We got chatting about shit and she told me she had to submit some fuckin dissertation and some formula bullshit she ain't finished.

It was bad enough I fuckin had Novastorm tryin to fucking butt in and shit, but that weren't too fuckin bad cause she had taken a shine to me anyway so we soon got rid of Novastorm by fuckin ignorin him mostly, but he got the fuckin messege when she hugged me, so I put my arm around her. Novastorm finally fucked off.

I went to go find Skywarp to give him my weaponry and shit. He was sitting in the fuckin corner on his fuckin own, on his fuckin phone, fuckin texting. Just who's that fuckin interestin when you're in a fucking club, trying to fuckin score. Looked to me like he was trying to account to a femme.

That guys a lot like me, we keep things on the fuckin private. I reckon he's got a girlfriend but wants to keep things on the fuckin quiet. Only weird thing is, he normally tells me quietly, he ain't told me shit, so I don't know what he's fuckin up to.

This young girl wants me to go with her back to her fuckin single room apartment share. Kinda fuckin reminds me of barracks.

The place is fuckin shitty and run down, but her room was real fuckin nice. Usual fuckin student fare of posters all over the fuckin wall, bed, computer desk, fuckin illicit portable fuckin Energon cooker and mini fuckin fridge. Nice, I remember those fuckin days.

She kinda makes me fuckin nervous when she tells me that she's only lost her seal recently and has never dated a Seeker before. Not exactly two fuckin things you wanna hear in the same fuckin sentence.

You either end up pickin up the fuckin pieces after some guys broken her seal like a total fuckin asshole, or you end up in berth with someone who doesn't know what the fuck they're doing and have no fuckin clue. Not exactly how I want to spend a fuckin Friday night.

Well, there's a strict no guests policy on her fuckin building so I told her I got a nice fuckin place we can go, cause I don't want her to cop fuckin bullshit from her apartment share fuckin millennial bullshit mates.

She can't fuckin fly... At all, and her alt mode was small car so I was just going to hold on to her and fly her back to my place. but she, rather sensibly said she doesnt let guys take her to their places for safety. She said she knew her apartment share guys were total fuckin animals, but she knew she was safe in her room with them about. I fuckin told her she was safest with me point fuckin blank.

Well, she wastes no fuckin time making out and was all fuckin hands. Though she says she really shouldn't as she has some fuckin formulae to draw up and some to solve and she has an dissertation to fuckin write.

Her alloys so soft and I fuckin found her hugely kissable. But she keeps obsessing over her fuckin submission time and said she couldn't fuckin relax with that hanging over her.

I'm kissing her soft neck and she says she has to do her fuckin homework.

I mumble to her that I'll do her fuckin homework.

She gives me her fuckin netbook and I sit the fuck up in her berth and did the fuckin formulae first cause they're easy, then I quickly typed out a full fuckin dissertation in about fifty fuckin minutes, while she kept makin drinks.

Alcohol fueled with mounting sexual frustration ain't no way to prove a scientific problem on fuckin paper, but Imma do it. 

Weird what you can fuckin do when fuckin motivated.

I was more fuckin worried about goin off the fuckin boil, but I really got into writin the fuckin dissertation.

Once that was done it was done she threw the quilt over us and we had quite the night. She was green yeah, but feisty and a bit freaky and wanted to do some weird fuckin shit. But I was down for most of that shit.

The next morning I awake from stasis to find she's kind of fuckin helpin herself to me...which is a little fuckin weird but hey, if she's down in the morning, then I'm certainly down in the fuckin morning, or any other time.

After another morning tryst, we venture out the fuckin room. I'm fuckin consumed by fuckin hunger cause my energy has near flatlined due to fuckin frequent overloading and I've overclocked my fuckin system.

I walk down the shitty rundownass narrow fuckin hallway and bump into a bunch of dumb lookin fuckhead millennial bots who are actting like assholes and failing to even toast Energon. They all fawn over me and shit and say they ain't never seen a fuckin military Seeker jet. I ain't got fuckin time for that fan shit from fuckin men cause I'm tired, hungry and my shoulders fuckin playing up again.

She tells me they're going to tease her about having a fuckin Seeker stay overnight. I told her that they're each probably as long as my finger so ain't got nothin on me... As she now knows.

We go for breakfast, before I head to base and she heads for campus.

Ofcourse when I fucking next see her she's got A grades with distinction even fuckin though her tutor told her that the fuckin writing style was radically fuckin different and suspected her but he had scanned onfuckinline and found she hadn't fuckin copied it... Cause it was all my own fuckin thesis and work.

I catch up with her again. Another fuckin deadline. She's stressed out and worried about crashing out of her fuckin degree course.

I do her next fuckin paper.

I know...

How do I get myself into this fuckin shit.

Don't get me wrong, she's a real, real... Real nice fuckin girl. But somethings takin the fuckin shine off this fuckin thing.

I ask my close buddy Skywarp. He fuckin tells me it's my fuckin fault in the first place for lettin her fuck me instead of letting her do her fuckin studyin.

Skywarp also fuckin tells me that I'm doin somethin worse in effectively gettin her a degree that she don't deserve and that she won't understand the fuckin subject matter.

Meaning that she may (as Skywarp put it) ".. end up gettin employed into the Decepticons one day as a scientist and not know what the fuck she's doin...but suck a good dick."

Yeah... Like we need ANOTHER FUCKER like that in the Decepticons. That fuckin jobs been fuckin taken by Starscream.

I remember a professor of Starscream's always maintained that his flawless papers were writ in a similar "flowery fashion" as another student, Jetfire.

I didn't go to the academy with Starscream or Skywarp cause of our age differences, but we all went with Jetfire, because he spends his life in further education.

He finishes one degree or masters in this and and rejoins next year for that. So we've all studied with him

Until one year, he met Starscream as a young academy student. That was pretty much it. They were inseparable and all of a sudden, Starscream starts getting distinctions and early top marks passes.

Now we all know how that went fuckin down. We all bet that Jetfire begged Starscream and probably straight up offered to do all his work if Starscream will have a relationship with him. Jetfire used to foot the fuckin bill for everything and take Screamer out to eat and shit. That guys so desperate for Starscream that we're sure he's obsessed with him. Why he's so queer for Starscream is anyone's guess.

Then, also Jetfire would hand his work in about three days after it was set, where as originally, he would have it all finished and ready the next day.

Also, cause of my fuckin rota and her only bein free on the fuckin weekends, its starting to feel like I'm goin over twice a month, end up doing this mutherfuckin homework and gettin laid for it. That ain't cool. I am not fuckin down. That takes away my fuckin accomplishment in gettin with them.

I tell her that I think we should hook back up after she's fuckin graduated. She tells me I got all wrong and takes it fuckin hard, and it ain't cool but it's fuckin better then this fuckin situation.

What the real fuck.


End file.
